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2005-11-01 6:17 p.m. Maybe life is eating my brain. I feel directionless. I want to be strong and self-reliant. I want to be fearless. I want...I want...I want. What is any of this about without want? I need to be...better. I can be better but I feel myself faultering, slipping more and more each day. They say smoking makes you dumber and I've been smoking an awful lot lately. I'm also getting fat, fat, FAT. I ate M&M's today. A year ago I wouldn't have touched them. I need to get back to that point. I need that self-control. Self-control is important. It leads to many good things. Small waists aside. Self control? Is strength. With it I'll be stronger. I hope. Self-control. Self-control is strength. It could lead to assertiveness. I need to be assertive. I let too many people control me. They control me in so many ways. It's not even humorous. I can't count the ways. I worry too much. About what people think of me. I need to stop doing that. I think that would be one of the many different tastes of freedom.
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