I haven't been online at all this week. My modem went kaput. So instead of replacing it I just got DSL and said goodbye to regular dial-up. Yeah...I still used dial-up.

Anyway, that was the longest I've gone offline since going online! During that time I started re-reading The Stand and sort of have to remind myself that when people have colds in the real world it isn't an apocalyptic flu straight from the pages of a book. Sometimes my imagination stays with the pages and it takes a second to separate reality from fiction.

Oh Diary, this has not been a good week. Not at all. First there was the stuff with my car, which sucked, and then I had to deal with a person at work who managed to bring me into the deep blue with just a few sentences. I wish I was this assertive confident person who could stand up against harsh criticism but so far I'm not. I can't figure out how to get there either. It's not fair and it's not right that one single person can come along and crush my spirit like you'd crush a bug. It's not even a person I like or respect so I don't get why I let it demoralize me so.

Then I didn't work yesterday. I went to work but I felt like something was lodged in my chest. So I had to leave and so I did before ever even clocking in. It hurt though, this feeling, and it lasted all day. It was physical as much as it was emotional.

II'm still in an unsatisfactory funk. I feel let down and paranoid and not at all myself.

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