How pathetic is it that I'm hounding people I work with to help me find a guy? Actually a co-worker says she's gonna' ask her boyfriend if he has any friends. How sad? The thing is if I weren't totally afraid of rejection I'd go for it. I'm LONELY. But I'm absolutely petrified of rejection. I am a bit of a freak after all. I mean I burst out singing bits of Evita or a 7 Year Bitch song at random intervals.

Hmmm.

I saw a guy I used to work with today and he was kind of rude to me. Can't imagine why. I never did anything to him though he's done quite a fair amount of damage to me. I shouldn't even care that he was rude to me and really? I don't. I mean sure I want everyone to like me. But this weird compulsion to please everyone that I've been suffering from for the last year? It's fading.

I was talking to one of my sups yesterday and she asked me why I quit my last job. I answered her very honestly, I was going through a mood swing. Which I was. I think she found the answer a bit bizarre and kept looking at me in a weird way. I wanted to say, hey. mood disorder. and move on. People don't get it. Thay really don't. They have no idea how messed up a chemically imbalanced brain can be and how it can make you quit a perfectly good job for no reason. That's the mildest of transgressions actually. People don't get it.

I'm so tired. I wonder why?

I'm lonely. I don't really have any friends. I wish I did. I got a spam email from some religious site today that mentioned what 'great friends' we were. Thing is? I wish I had some friends. I wonder where you can go out and get those? Friends, not weird religious spammers. Weird religious spammers are a dime a dozen.

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