2005-04-17
8:01 p.m.

Ever stop and just wonder...who you are? Inspired by an amazing entry I read here, I'm gonna' run with the theme. Bare with me because I lack the skills Betty has with words.

Who Am I? I'm short and small and bustling with energy. I smile a lot and laugh just as much. I used to spend days and weeks and months crying and angry and now I try not to remember how that felt. Instead I sing, off key and all the time.

I am not a wife or girlfriend. I'm an ex-girlfriend to many, probably a relief to quite a few to have escaped. Despite all of this I want to be a girlfriend and someday a wife. I've become a romantic at this late date and somehow have convinced myself that there is a happily ever after I just haven't stumbled upon it yet.

I am not a mother and never figured I would be but lately I've been naming an imaginary daughter and marveling at what I once thought a myth: the biological clock.

I am a daughter. I have two wonderful parents who have been married longer than I've been alive. My parents are my rock, when everything else in life was shattered and broken they have always been there. Stealing a saying from Scarlett O' Hara, my parents are buckwheat, strong and sturdy, a wind like daughter with bipolar disorder would never knock them down.

I am also a sister to a brother. He let me hit him with tinker toys growing up and never got mad at me. I am his baby sister.

I am a sister-n-law. My sister-n-law has a puppy named Hailey that I love to death.

I am an aunt to a ten year old niece who is a bit of a smart ass. She's a burst of energy followed by a gameboy and a wild imagination. I see a lot of myself in that kid.

I am a spazz. I never stop. My thoughts race in circles, though less chaotically than before. I live a life of what ifs. What if I was sent to space by Nasa and the government to save the world? These are my what ifs, a million years away from reality.

I am a Democrat, though less political since I've started taking meds.

I am medicated. I take Prozac, Seroquel and Trileptal twice a day. Well, Seroquel once daily, the others twice a day. I see a shrink but not that often anymore. I've gotten to three month apart appointments. My last doctor told me I was one of her most successful patients. I kind of felt a little proud of that.

I'm shy. No, I really am.

I read a lot, my book case is overfilled and I need a new one but my apartment is tiny. My favorite book is Gone With The Wind. My paperback copy is tattered and torn and I have a collectors edition that I won't allow myself to read least I crease the pages.

I've been in love once and had my heart broken for the trouble but considering I broke enough hearts in the past maybe it was payback. Still doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell. I really loved that boy.

Who am I? I have blue eyes and unstable hair, my color changes a lot. My nose is a little rounder than I'd like it to be and my lips a little thin. My eyebrows drive me crazy. I have baby fine scars on my arms to remind me another time but the scars have faded so much this last year I can't help but think it a sign.

I used to want to be an astronaut or a famous writer.

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