I was in the shower this morning and suddenly decided I needed to be blonde. I decided I was going to go out and buy hair bleach and viola become this blonde I needed to be. Luckily I'd all but forgotten that intense desire after putting on my make up and blow drying my hair. All but forgotten. I liked being blonde though it's been years and years since I've gone through the annoyance. It's a bitch of a color to maintain, so self? Remember that.

I just have brown hair now with red highlights. I used to change my hair color all the time. My hair changed with my moods. Different shades, different depths, was I happy, was I sad? What did my hair say? It was just as confused as me until the color had nothing at all to do with my moods. Bright vibrant red, of varying degrees, was my stand by. I was more often a red head than not.

So what have I been doing this past week? More of the same. Working. Reading. I finished Middlesex and feel all bereaved because I have nothing left to read. I think I'll have to go on a book hunt today

The crush? The crush has diminished. I don't know why, it just did. Maybe because I want to live in reality for a little while. I want something permanent. I'm so tired of fleeting. Let's say the crush became something more, probably never would happen but let's say, alright? What's the point? Why even want someone who will more likely than not be in a different geographical area in a matter of months? I never figured I was the type to get attached but D. proved to me that I am. I've changed a lot through the years. I fell absolutely in love with someone, something I figured would never in a hundred years happen, and he left me and I knew he was going to before I ever even kissed him. And you see I cannot knowingly ever allow myself to be in that situation again. I want someone that is going to be around. If D. Had stayed in Florida, the first time, it probably wouldn't have lasted anyway but that's not the point. The point is that I'm ready. I'm ready to find my best friend and my best friend isn't going to leave me.

Except he probably will! I might be a new found romantic but the cynic is still here, buried beneath medication, she's still there. What a weird way to exist.

Eh.

I'm going out to lunch so I probably need to figure out what to wear.

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