I feel ugly right now. It's not a particularly nice feeling. My hair is bothering me but I'm determined to grow it out so I'm forcing myself to ignore it. If I can continue to ignore it it'll be to my chin by Christmas time and all will be well in my world.

If it were only that easy.

I hate rollercoasters. I hate them in truest since of the word. Real rollercoasters. Not things like Big Thunder at the Magic Kingdom. I love that ride. But I hate most rollercoasters. Just the thought of them sends my heart into overdrive...this immense fear, you dig?

Then why does everything in my life feel like a fucking rollercoaster? I mean I have a boring ass life. On the outside I'm pretty much mainlining the flat beep on the screen, you know? But cut me up and dig in not so deeply and everything is pure chaos. Up and down, hitting every curve, traveling at insane speed. Va-fucking-room. I'm just angry and sad and blah. I hate everything. Absolutely everything and very nearly everyone and telling myself this is a passing moment isn't working.

I need to be cheered up but there is nothing to find solace in.

I'm also tired of people being mean to me just because they can be. I hate them more than anyone and I want to be mean back...I want fire in the meaness. I want real venom. I want to hiss and scream but in the end it's all just a waste of energy. I mean why bother? Will it actually change anything? I just want these people to leave me alone. Pretend I don't exist. I don't care but just fucking go away.

I hate my hair.

previous
next
Older

Hosted at Diaryland.com!