I've been trying to think of something to write about but I'm drawing blanks. I'm feeling just this side of blotto and am having lots and lots of difficulty focusing on any one thing in particular plus Simpsons re-runs are about to start. That alone is the mightiest of attention zappers. Well, maybe not the mightiest.

Hmmm...Hey! I haven't talked about religion in a while. A part of me is starting to circle back to questioning the validity of Christianity all together. Like faith is faith but there needs to be some tangible truth there, right? I don't know. I pray to God most every night and maybe its my fickleness of faith, I don't know, but sometimes the prayers seem so empty like it's all futile. My prayers don't seem to be answered, well that's a lie because I'm writing this with the knowledge that my family finds itself well, that I find myself day by day getting better. But the other stuff? Not so much and maybe it's because it's all so trivial and unimportant and selfish? But maybe it's because there really isn't a God at all? But see I don't believe that a hundred percent either. I'm just in the middle. I find myself loathing organized religion and churches and all that jazz more and more each day and maybe that's my problem? I don't believe you can find God in any of those buildings just because some fool with a bible and an NRA membership says so. It's just I see so much hate and rhetoric associated with Christianity it makes me wonder about 'the truth' all together. Ugh. I'm talking circles. But it does get harder to believe everyday and yet I still pray most every night.

See I just don't believe in preachers or churches and yeah sometimes even God. But mostly I believe in God. Mostly I do. I just wish he'd give me some guidance because I really need it.

Ah well, at least dinner was yummy.

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