Not as angry today but still angry. Life, life, life...if I could understand, gather its point, I don't know. Maybe things would be better.

But I am invisible. Mostly. I guess since I'm not insane I know I'm physically there but yet it does seem like I'm not anywhere at all. It's like people look right through me. My voice is never heard, no one can hear me...I am the incredible disappearing lady. Come one, come all and watch a girl who a very long time ago was alive and vibrant and noticeable...watch her evaporate into thin air. Watch her disappear as crowds pass by and people ignore her existance.

I feel like, what was her name...Marcy? I feel like the chick from that season one BtVS episode. Except I don't think the gov't is gonna' hunt me down to be an invisible assasin for them. Which is good because though I often want to scream bloody murder I don't quite think I have murder in me. And I'd so go after the wrong targets. Yeah I'd do Osama and his ilk in gladly but then I'd drift towards people not on the assasination list. Except again...despite all my rage, I ain't that rageful. Except I wouldn't bat an eyelash to slash and dash Osama Bin Laden. I'd do murder in a second if it meant getting rid of him. Despite all my rage...

Anyone feel like busting out with some Smashing Pumpkin lyrics here? Anyway...

I wonder if Xanax could actually be bad for me? Maybe it's not all mixy with my particular breed of wackiness?

But for real? I don't feel valid. I don't feel noticed and I do feel invisible. All joking aside. I feel absolutely unimportant and ignored and useless. It's not a very good feeling. I mean people literally walk right past me like I'm not there. Maybe I'm not? Maybe all of this, me sitting here and typing this even, isn't quite real? Maybe it's a Sixth Sense kind of thing where I think I'm all hanging with the living as an equal...if a slightly ignored equal...but truth be told I'm cold and dead and six feet under. Wouldn't that be a riot?

Blah, blah, blah...someone should teach me a new song.

I'm thinking about doing my hair red again. I feel really ugly. I don't know if changing my hair color will make a difference or not...but I feel really ugly.

I have one thing to be grateful about though...I don't have fat ankles. Nope. I think even if I gained a lot of wieght I'd still not have fat ankles. I'm happy about that. I have decent enough ankles.

previous
next
Older

Hosted at Diaryland.com!