Aside from this journal I also have a Live Journal. Originally I used the LJ for fandom pursuits. I'm no longer invoved in fandom so I don't really know what I use it for now aside from a reading list of other journals. Oh wait! Sometimes I use it for it's ability to have friends locked posts...entries that certain people can't see(yes Diaryland offers that option but it involves passwords, etc.-pain in the ass situation).

So going through a couple of the entries I came across some stuff I wrote about Daniel *before* we hooked up. I didn't write it in the regular journal because he had the URL. I actually wrote a *lot* (which is relative in actuality it wasn't much at all) of stuff about him in the LJ as opposed to at Ordinary where I frankly very rarely mentioned him.

October 8, 2003: He makes me crazy how much I like him. He's adorable, I mean he really is. He's got this killer rad personality and he's like hot to boot.

But he's the polar opposite of me, he's funny and upbeat and me? I'm dour and cynical.

Gah. I don't know. It sucks how much I just *want* him because it's not in the realm of the happening. Ever.

So crushing on him is great in that way that crushing is but at the same time it's such a hopeless predictament.

He makes me laugh and feel hopeful when I'm around him but when I'm not? Well everything is that much worse.

And I wrote this after he sent me an email about a girl he was hopelessly crushing on that he met at a show...I dunno', it was kinda' a homage to his wishy-washiness when it came to people, I shoulda' picked up on it.

October 16, 2003: I'm stupid for finding this creature fascinating. First off he's too young for me and that should be that. But no...we started emailing each other despite the fact that we see each other all the time and...grrr.

It's just that I find myself really liking this guy despite my better judgment, despite the fact that I just shouldn't. He's funny and just so damn alive, you know and to be shallow he's cute as hell.

And I just really don't want to hear about girls he met last night.

This is *after* we hooked up.

November 11, 2003: I'm just so afraid that I'm setting myself up for the most awful heartbreak. *sigh*

November 11, 2003: The boy. I think I'm too attached and this is a bad thing. I honestly don't think there's going to be much there in the end. Sometimes it's just so much fun and great being with him and other times I want to throw something and tell him to get a clue.

I was such a dork.

I can't say I'm a hundred percent over him...cause I'm not. But I am resentful, you know? Because he actually never had feelings for me at all except apparently and eventually hatred...so I don't know. It just makes me sad.

Oh well. I'm not feeling ship shape so back to bed.

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